Dating and Mourning and Bipolar

The end of a relationship can feel very similar to the end of a life.  There’s grief, anger, guilt and varying degrees of sadness. Unfortunately this week I’m mourning both kinds of endings: a break-up, and the death of a potential suitor.  The feelings compounded by these two events are damaging to a mood that’s tenuous at best.

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Sex and Bipolar Mania

Today is the first full day of Spring, and I may have Spring Fever.  Or maybe I’m feeling flask_Whiskey_Frisky_pink_4_1024x1024a little manic.  I could be a little depressed.  Or just frisky. I don’t really know how I feel, I only know how I’m acting these days and the times in which I’ve acted like this before haven’t turned out so well.

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Dating While Bipolar: Failures in Love

So, I learned something about Matt that made me re-evaluate our relationship, for lack of a better term.  It’s not anything bad or irreparable, but it caused me Failuredisappointment about the nature of our dating life.  Or maybe I was just disappointed in myself for having misjudged the situation.  Anyway, the particulars of what I learned are unimportant. To me what matters is that I felt exactly as I did at 12 years old when I had a crush on Josh Rosen and there was nothing I could do to make him “like like” me. Another thirty years of life have apparently given me lots of experience without the wisdom that usually accompanies age.

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Dating While Bipolar: When to Trust Your Feelings

As you may have figured, Matt and I had another date this past weekend.  Again, it was Manic_Episode-2pretty good as far as dates go – there was talking and eating and kissing, all in satisfactory amounts.  After two enjoyable evenings, I’m starting to feel things for Matt.  Happy things.  Scary things.  Years of bad dates and rejection have made me distrust my feelings in the romantic realm.  Years of therapy have made me distrust my feelings and instincts in many realms.  So what am I supposed to do now?

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Is it happiness or mania?

For almost two years I’ve been struggling with the depressive aspect of bipolar benderdisorder, often called bipolar depression.  Symptoms of depression have been the most common for me since I was diagnosed during business school and they’re the most common focus of my regular therapy and self-monitoring.  Lately, however, I’ve experienced some symptoms and behaviors vastly unlike those that have characterized my recent life.  Though they are all positive, my first question to myself was, “are you having a manic episode?”

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