How I Use Dating to Gauge My Mental Illness Recovery

How I Use Relationships to Gauge My Mental Illness RecoveryI’ve spent a lot of time on this blog talking about how dating makes me crazy, my mental illness recovery notwithstanding. I dislike the putting yourself out there. The waiting. The wondering. Still, I’m not content to spend the rest of my life alone, so I have to do something to meet and engage with actual humans. And I’ve actually met one. Interestingly enough, how I’m handling this connection has told me a great deal about the progress of my mental illness recovery.

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Dating While Bipolar: Failures in Love

So, I learned something about Matt that made me re-evaluate our relationship, for lack of a better term.  It’s not anything bad or irreparable, but it caused me Failuredisappointment about the nature of our dating life.  Or maybe I was just disappointed in myself for having misjudged the situation.  Anyway, the particulars of what I learned are unimportant. To me what matters is that I felt exactly as I did at 12 years old when I had a crush on Josh Rosen and there was nothing I could do to make him “like like” me. Another thirty years of life have apparently given me lots of experience without the wisdom that usually accompanies age.

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Dating While Bipolar: When to Trust Your Feelings

As you may have figured, Matt and I had another date this past weekend.  Again, it was Manic_Episode-2pretty good as far as dates go – there was talking and eating and kissing, all in satisfactory amounts.  After two enjoyable evenings, I’m starting to feel things for Matt.  Happy things.  Scary things.  Years of bad dates and rejection have made me distrust my feelings in the romantic realm.  Years of therapy have made me distrust my feelings and instincts in many realms.  So what am I supposed to do now?

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Dating While Bipolar: To Sex or Not to Sex

As Matt and I near the day of our second date, we’ve begin to explore the layers of our Sex-Positions-Silhouettesrelationship, particularly the onset of a sexual relationship.  You might think that the time between dates number one and two is too early to bring up sex.  Like many things, I’m of two minds about this.  Matt and I have a very strong attraction for each other and agree that we anticipate a strong sexual compatibility.  Also, we’ve both been with numerous partners, he’s divorced and I got out of a serious relationship at about the same time his marriage ended.  Essentially, we’re grown and we can do whatever we want, with whomever we want, whenever we want.  But in spite of my sexual freedom and desire, pursuing a more intimate relationship has as much of an effect on my mind as my body.

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Dating While Bipolar: Ruminations on love

love cardsLove – or romance, or whatever you call it when two people are drawn to each other in a non-platonic sense – is like gambling.  Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes you lose your house.  It’s not a sure thing, at least in my experience.  People endure unhappiness and loneliness too often for love to have a guaranteed payback like slot machines in a casino, which you also shouldn’t believe.

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