We’re in Day 6 of “Tiger-gate” and I’ve had enough. He was the lead-in on the news last night. Okay, so I was watching Fox, but still! A celebrity cheated on his wife. For years with various women. Is this a shock to anyone? With good reason, said wife took a golf club to his head and his car. The jump-off cashed in on a voice-mail message for a cool $25,000 (she should have held out for more). All parties are so sorry. End of story for the public if not for the involved parties.
But an aphorism my mother often used keeps running through my head: Cheaters never prosper. Apparently they do, because even Kobe can have (alleged) illegal “transgressions” with a woman, keep his wife and get a few NBA rings. Pardon me while I use another choice phrase of which my mother was quite fond: Ain’t that some shit?
Now don’t get me wrong: I couldn’t possibly care less what happens in someone else’s relationship. Unless I know you, in which case I care about you but still don’t pass opinion on grown folks’ business. And I realize that public scrutiny is rough on an individual, and a family, and its particularly difficult when you do something wrong and your family has to pay for it. But here’s a novel idea: keep your ass at home and keep your pants zipped and there won’t be any mess.
Other than our starfucker fascination with celebrity, the Tiger Woods incident has brought out lots of equivocating and joking from the peanut gallery. Facebook and Twitter are, well, atwitter with people complaining that all men cheat, or bemoaning the lack of role models, or making excuses for the many athletes who step out on their wives. But I have no tolerance for that crap, and nobody ever puts it out there, so I’ll do it. Cheating is wrong, and cheaters suck. Yes, I said it, and I’ll say it again. Elin Woods had the right idea: all cheaters should be beaten about the head with sports equipment or put on blast in a public forum. There is no justification for cheating beyond “I’m a dumb-ass” or “I clearly lost my mind.” If you want to play the field, stay single. If you believe that, to paraphrase Chris Rock, there’s no piece like a new piece, STAY SINGLE. Or break up and pursue the new thing. Or be in an open relationship. My point is that its very easy not to sleep with other people when you’re otherwise entangled.
Since I’ve never been married, people will dismiss my views on fidelity because I’ve never been “there”, in the face of some outside piece of ass or extra-marital association. They’ll say that I don’t know what it’s like to be bored with a partner. But I do know what boredom is. I like chicken and its kinda boring. If I eat it a frequently I get sick of it and I want, say, a bacon cheeseburger. I know where to get a really good cheeseburger, one that’s juicy and flavorful and always cooked the way I like it. But I’m cutting back on red meat, I need to lose weight, and it would be cheaper to cook the chicken breasts I already have in the freezer. Know what I do? I find some new chicken recipes. I marinate it or stuff it or cook it in a paper bag because I know its better for me than beef in the long run. After not eating beef for a while, a burger will make me sick, kinda like I’d be if I stepped out on my man. It might feel good for a moment, but the fallout would be a bitch!
Now if everyone could give the same consideration to their mate that I give to a piece of chicken, perhaps we’d be a more faithful society. What do you think?
It is an occupational hazard for athletes, entertainers, politicians. Their life partners should be aware of that.
I blame the women who sold out, hung their drawers outside for money. Makes it harder for #2 womens everywhere.
I hope Tiger returns to his golf game after a respite and plays at a sterling level. Say you sorry and buy mama a big rock. What I got to say about Kobe's old scene – if a woman goes to a man's room at 1 in the morning, does she think they are going to play checkers? Get real. Good to hear that you keep your mother's advice in the light.
It is Tiger's business and he will handle it. I hope he comes back to the golf game and plays at a sterling level. It is an occupational hazard for high profile athletes, entertainers, musicians, politicians. Their life partners must know that. I fault the women who sold out their info for money, and failed to take responsibility for their own immoral conduct. They make it harder for #2 women everywhere. In addition to your mother's fine advice, and the keep your pants zip and ass at home edict, I would add – say you sorry and buy mama a big rock.
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