Celibate much?

Since today is World AIDS Day, in honor of the only 100% effective way to prevent the spread of the disease, I’m coming out:  I’ve been celibate for over 1 year.  Someone should applaud or throw me a party or something.  To be clear, I’m not in the middle of a drought, looking for a willing participant and unable to find one.   I’ve had offers, and I’ve turned them down because I’m just not that interested.

Before you go off all half-cocked and think that I’m some sexless killjoy, you should know that I’ve had lots of sex, and the vast majority of it was quite good.  At this point, I think I can claim some kind of statistical significance and say that I’ve had some of the best sex in the Tri-State area.  Hold on for a minute, I’m reminiscing. . . . . . . . .But back to my original point, I’ve had my fair share of good partners and everyone enjoyed themselves, thanks for asking.  Sure, I’ve had some duds like every sexually-active woman my age, but the discovery of a few unskilled lovers wasn’t what put me off my game.

Sex is serious stuff.  It can be fun, and funny, and entertaining and – with any luck – exciting and highly enjoyable for all parties.  But the solemnity takes over when it’s done.  Someone could get hurt, like if you sleep with someone you love, and they don’t love you back.  Come on, ladies, if you look deep you’ve probably been there.  Someone could get pregnant, and sometimes that’s a joy and a blessing, sometimes pregnancy is surprising and unwanted.   Someone could get a disease, like the kind that you have forever.  I don’t know about you, but I think herpes totally sucks and you can’t get rid of it, but hapless paramours neglect it all the time and give each other the gift that keeps on giving.  Way to share!  Then there’s AIDS, which will kill you in spite of what it’s done for Magic Johnson.  Some of us don’t have his luck or his money, so we’d have to deal with insurance companies (don’t get me started) and unsympathetic employers (you saw Philadelphia) and the pain of knowing that someone with whom we made “love” bestowed upon us a most unloving of souvenirs.

Anyway, some time ago I decided that I’d had enough sex for the moment; I have arousing memories, warm thoughts and hilarious stories to last until the next time.  I also have my health, and the knowledge that even though I may have been stupid with my heart, I was smart with my body and didn’t have unprotected sex.  For you guys out there, I’m gonna go ahead and say that sex with a condom isn’t as annoying as is pain upon urination or something that could kill you.  Yeah, I’m not that original, but some lines are just classic: no glove, no love.

And the next time I have sex, no matter how far in the future that may be (YIKES!), it will involve a man with whom I want to have all manner of seriousness.