Rule #1: Don't do dumb stuff

Where can I get this?

Have people literally gotten stupider and stupider?  In case you’re one of them, I’ve highlighted the important parts of this post.

Today Plaxico Burress, form.erly of the NY Giants, was sentenced to up to 3 1/2 years in prison for shooting himself in the leg.  Okay, it was really for carrying a concealed weapon, and not having a license to carry or operate said weapon in New York.  A lot of people are going to start beefing because its another Black man going to prison for stuff that other people get away with, and they’ll also bring up Michael Vick.  But I think Plaxico should go to prison.  The charge?  Acting like a damn fool.

Where is his mama?  Actually, she’s deceased, and rolling in her grave as we speak because her son is an idiot.  Let’s review the facts of the case.  The man was concealing a Glock, in the waistband of his sweatpants, in a club.  When the gun started to slip (duh!),  he grabbed at it and inadvertently shot himself.  I don’t even know where to begin.

First of all, doesn’t he remember what happened to Puffy in the club with a gun in New York City?  It was a little shady, but there was a weapons charge.  Diddy didn’t go to prison, but that’s because he wasn’t stupid enough to shoot himself.  He also didn’t get fired, since he owns the record company and whatever else he does.  Second of all, who tries to hold a big-ass gun in the waistband of some sweatpants?  You can’t put anything in those because you know it’s going to fall down.  Special stupidity recognition to Plax for putting a loaded weapon that close to his junk, which should have been injured instead of his thigh.  What do you tell his son?  Daddy was a really good football player, and a sports hero for clinching the Super Bowl for the New York Giants in 2008 – look at the championship ring!  But say goodbye to him for a long time, because he’s also a doofis.  No more fans plaguing us for autographs, just TV cameras.  Let’s hope he tries to redeem himself in the book I assume is forthcoming.

Idiocy is not limited to the NFL.  In today’s news, there was a story of a married Long Island minister having an affair with two married sisters he was counseling through divorce.  I got your counsel right here, baby!  Actually, that was the line: the physical relationship was part of the counseling that he provided, helping them to heal.  I don’t recall the Bible passage about sexual healing, but I missed a few Sunday School classes.  And I don’t know whether to be more troubled by the minister’s behavior, or that of the sisters with whom he had simultaneous affairs.  To be sure, a member of the clergy shouldn’t get into anyone’s pants to solve a problem, and he was thrown out of his church when news of the affairs spread through the parish.  However, I’ve learned that when someone attempts something, he believes in its success.  In other words, he’d probably successfully used pastoral counseling as a springboard for affairs in the past.  To his credit, it did work, which brings me to the two sisters.  What kind of person do you have to be to believe that sleeping with your married pastor will bring you anything but grief?  Apparently they were vulnerable from their respective divorce proceedings, and Rev. Happy Pants took advantage. Another thing:  don’t these sisters talk to each other?  Didn’t they have occasion to say, hey Sis, I’m porking our pastor and he’s made me forget about what’s-his-name.  Oh, really?  Me too, and he should change his name to Dr. Feelgood!  He was seeing them at the same time and took them both to the same hotel for goodness’ sake.  Different times, of course, otherwise it would’ve been a different kind of party.  How gullible to you have to be to sleep with your minister, not because you have the hots for him and have been sitting on the first pew without panties for years, but because he’s recommending it as part of your therapy.  That is, quite frankly, one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard.

My friend’s father started a church.  It began as a joke when Bush offered tax breaks for religious entities, so my friend’s father decided to have a little fun and buy some property in the name of his “church”, which I will call “The Church of Dog” to protect the innocent (its all perfectly legal).  My friend’s dad is an atheist, and against organized religion, but he decided to put some tenets into “The Church of Dog”, stuff he believed in.  So here they are:  #1)Don’t do dumb shit,  #2) Live by the Golden Rule – that’s “do unto others…” in case you don’t remember, and #3) Work ceaselessly to maximize your own potential.

Clearly “The Church of Dog” needs a parish.  I can think of at least 3 new members.